Narcs in Relationships: How Men & Women Get Hurt — and How Not to Become One

When people hear the word narcissist, they often picture the loud, arrogant, selfish type who can’t stop looking in the mirror. But narcissism in relationships runs deeper than just being “full of yourself.”

It’s about control, manipulation, and the subtle ways one partner can drain the other’s spirit while pretending it’s “love.”

And here’s the truth: narcissism doesn’t have a gender.

It shows up differently when it’s a man doing it to a woman, and when it’s a woman doing it to a man. Either way, the damage cuts deep.

When She’s the Narc

For men, being with a narcissistic woman can feel like:

• Silent sabotage. She’ll use passive-aggressive tactics — giving you the cold shoulder or withholding affection when you don’t do things her way.

• Competing instead of supporting. Your wins don’t get celebrated; instead, she finds a way to bring them down or center the moment back on herself.

• Control masked as “love.” She’ll question your decisions, money, time, and even friendships, framing it as “caring” — but it’s really about dominance.

• Playing victim. Even when she’s the one who hurt you, she’ll flip the story until you’re the bad guy.

Example: You tell her you’re proud of yourself for finishing a project or hitting a personal goal. Instead of celebrating, she might say, “Well, you should’ve done that years ago,” leaving you second-guessing your progress.

When He’s the Narc

For women, being with a narcissistic man often looks like:

• Gaslighting. Making her feel “crazy” for noticing things that are real. He’ll deny, deflect, or twist the truth until she questions her own memory.

• Charm with hidden strings. At first, he’s the most romantic, charming guy in the world. But once you’re hooked, the mask slips and the control starts.

• Isolation. Slowly cutting her off from friends, family, or hobbies that bring her joy — so she only leans on him.

• Ego over empathy. His pride always comes before her feelings, and he’ll bulldoze her emotions to protect his image.

Example: She brings up that something he said hurt her. Instead of apologizing, he flips it: “You’re too sensitive. You always ruin the vibe.” She ends up apologizing for simply having feelings.

How We Avoid Becoming the Wrong Person

Here’s the twist — none of us are perfect.

We all have moments where ego, pride, or insecurities try to take the wheel. But the line between a healthy partner and a narcissistic one comes down to self-awareness.

• Check yourself. Ask: “Am I listening to my partner, or am I making everything about me?”

• Celebrate, don’t compete. Their win doesn’t take away from yours. If your partner shines, clap the loudest.

• Respect boundaries. Love doesn’t mean control. Love means trust.

• Apologize real, not fake. “I’m sorry you feel that way” is not an apology. Take ownership of your actions.

Being the wrong person happens when we stop growing and start controlling.

Final Word

Whether you’re a man or woman, narcissistic relationships eat away at self-worth. The key is spotting the patterns early, protecting your peace, and never letting someone else’s brokenness break you.

If this hit home, drop a comment below. Share this with someone who might need to see it today. And let me know if you’d like more raw, real posts like this one in the future.

Stay growing,

— DJB