When Love Starts Feeling Like War: Narc Patterns in Relationships 💥

By: DJB

When Love Starts Feeling Like War: Narc Patterns in Relationships

You ever notice how some arguments don’t end with peace — they end with confusion? You walk away questioning yourself, like, “Am I the bad guy here? Or did I just get played?”

That’s the sneaky part about narcissistic dynamics in a relationship. It doesn’t always look like shouting or breaking dishes. Sometimes it’s in the way your partner flips the script, plays the victim, or brings outsiders into what should be a private conversation.

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The Cycle

Here’s what it often looks like (and some of y’all are going to nod your head reading this):

• Deflection: You bring up something that hurt you. Instead of owning it, they turn it around and suddenly you’re the one at fault.

• Gaslighting: You know what you felt, but they twist the story until you start questioning your own reality.

• Triangulation: They pull in a family member, a friend, or someone on the sidelines to “validate” their side, leaving you looking like the enemy.

• Victimhood: They play the pain card — whether it’s physical, emotional, or situational — so you feel guilty for standing your ground.

• Reset: After tearing you down, they flip back to “normal” like nothing happened. Asking about dinner, the kids, or weekend plans as if the disrespect didn’t even take place.

Sound familiar?

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Why It Hurts So Much

It’s not just about the argument — it’s about loyalty, trust, and respect. When your partner shows outsiders your private conversations, or when they perform disrespect in front of others, it cuts deeper than the words themselves.

Because marriage is supposed to be me and you vs. the world — not me vs. you with the world watching.

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How Not to Lose Yourself in the Cycle

Here’s the hard truth: you can’t always stop someone else from moving like this. But you can stop yourself from being dragged through the mud.

• Don’t match their chaos.

• Don’t chase closure in the heat of it.

• Don’t reward disrespect by pretending everything is “all good.”

• Hold your boundaries steady, even if they call you cold for it.

Respect goes both ways. You can’t build a partnership when one person uses pain, pride, or proxies to win arguments instead of building bridges.

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Your Takeaway

If you’re reading this and it feels a little too close to home, you’re not alone. A lot of us have been there — loving someone who knows how to play the game but doesn’t know how to honor the bond.

The key? Stay true to yourself. Don’t let gaslighting make you doubt what you know in your gut. Don’t let triangulation make you compete for your own partner’s respect. And don’t let victimhood distract you from the truth: love without respect will always feel like war.

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💬 Drop a comment below if this resonated. Share this with somebody who might need the reminder. And let me know if you want more blogs that expose these relationship dynamics in a way we can all learn from.

— DJB